There are many reasons.

The first, and most important reason,
is that almost nobody plays this instrument.

You will, as a direct consequence,
look like a genius if you can simply make it burp.

People will stare at you in awe and give you
their parking spaces out of sheer respect.

The second reason is that even though
the English concertina is easy to play,
people think it is very, very difficult.

Everyone knows that the beauty of the music
is the secondary reason for playing any musical instrument.
The first reason is to impress others and perhaps,
someday, get laid. The English concertina is the best
instrument for this purpose.

The third, and final reason that the English concertina
is superior is the name.

Many disagree with this notion, pointing out
that the English concertina plays in any key so that
players don't have to carry buckets of concertinas
around, and that the English concertina can sustain
the same note whether the bellows are pushed or pulled
enabling the concertina to stay underwater for long
periods of time, even for days. But it is the name itself,
“English concertina”, which bestows the obvious
superiority on this instrument, giving it a
sense of imperial dominion.

If you disagree with this unassailable thesis,
you are probably an Anglo player and simply envious
of obvious English superiority. We understand.

Carol Denney is a community activist, musician, and writer.